Letting It All Hang Out

***Ok I am going for it.  This was the blog I wasn't sure I was ready to post.  I wrote it about 3 weeks ago.  I'm just going to do it and get over it, lol...***


Well, I read on some website while looking up some good lowfat/dieting recipes that blogging about your weight loss journey helps hold you accountable.  After much thought and deliberation (and talking myself into it) I have decided that I am going to try to do just that.  It's not going to be easy.  Personally, I find my weight embarrassing.  I realize I didn't exactly become this size from sitting on the couch shoveling food into my mouth.  And it is not like I sit around on my butt all day everyday doing nothing.  I am pretty active.  But regardless of how I gained the weight, and how lazy or not lazy I am, my weight is still something I am embarrassed to admit.   

I will be the first to admit I LOVE FOOD!  Probably a lot more than most people.  It doesn't matter what kind it is; American, Greek, Italian, Mexican, Chinese, you name it, I probably love it.  (Except seafood.  GROSS!)  I will also admit that I make excuses for myself when I eat things that aren't exactly good for me.  I tell myself things like, 'This will be the last time I grab fast food for at least a month.'  Or 'I've had a hard day.  One candy bar won't hurt.'  So I add those extra calories on myself.  Once I get down to my goal weight, those things will be a little more ok as long as I stay at least as active as I am now.  But until I get there, I know I need to cut them out.  But it is hard.  We have all been there.  We all know McDonald's doesn't require you to cook after you just worked a 10+ hour long day and your kid has swim lessons and you are either too exhausted too cook, or in a time crunch.  We all know grabbing that candy bar or chips out of the vending machine is convenient if you forgot to pack a snack.

I have gotten good about packing my lunch and snacks for work over this past week.  That way if I don't have time to come home, I don't feel forced to run to Taco Bell on base real quick for lunch and hurry back.  And if I have a healthier alternative to a snack, I won't grab a candy bar or cookies or something from the snack fund.  It worked pretty well for me last week.  If I keep that going it will be a step in the right direction.

My next obstacle is the burning of the calories part.  I HATE WORKING OUT!  Unfortunately, (or fortunately; depending on how you look at it)  being in shape is part of my job.  Round and lumpy is a shape!  Right there between oval and rectangle I swear!  At a minimum we do PT 3 days a week with our squadron, 45-60 minutes.  They aren't hard workouts usually.  But I hate running.  That probably has something to do with being fat though.  Fat people have a hard time running; it's a lot of mass to move at a quick speed!  All joking aside (for half a second at least) working out is boring to me.  It is something I force myself to do and just suffer through.  Honestly, I am not that out of shape; I am pretty fit because I am pretty active.  I am just over weight.  These past two weeks haven't been so bad because I have had a workout buddy to motivate me.  So I think if we stick with each other, we can both do this.

Another obstacle I have to face is my ongoing shoulder problems.  I can not do a push up with it.  Although that may get easier as I get lighter.  I can't do much weight lifting with it.  This has been a problem since high school.  I had surgery in 2005, and it felt great for about a year, then it was back to it's old self again.  Then, when I was pregnant with Melanie I developed sacroiliac joint pain.  This is the harder of the two pains to push through since it radiates through must of my body when it flares up.  And the pain lasts for days.  So if am continuously working out daily, it never really goes away.   Heat barely helps, ice does nothing but make my butt cold.  Motrin; what a joke.  I try to push through what I can, but sometimes I just say screw it.  That is another problem.  I think I just need to find a balance, or an activity that doesn't aggravate it as much.  Bearable pain I think is what my physical therapist said.  She also said that it may get better when I get down to my ideal body weight because it will be less stress on my joint with less weight.

My exercise plan is as follows:
MON: Squadron PT in the AM, Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred in the afternoon
TUES: Squadron PT in the AM, Jillian in the afternoon
WED:  Spin Class at lunch, Jillian in the afternoon
THURS:  Squadron PT in the AM, Jillian in the afternoon
FRI: Spin at lunch, Jillian in the afternoon

Once the gym gets an instructor for the circuit class, I might add that in at lunch on TUES and THURS.  On the weekends when it is nice I am going to try to go on at least a 30 minute walks with the kids.  Once Liam gets the hang of riding his bike, we can do bike rides. 

So here I go.  Baring my soul (and my size)

Current Stats:
Weight: 194 lbs
Pants size: 14
Shirt Size: XL
Waist:  35.5" (measured at my PT test in December.  Mind you I was sucking in like my life depended on it.  Because my test PASS/FAIL did depend on it.)

Goal Stats:
Weight: 160 lbs (this is my dr's goal weight. Personally I want to be at least 150, if not less, but baby steps the dr says)
Pant Size: 9-10
Shirt Size: M-LG
Waist: 31" or less (without sucking in, lol)

My struggles are going to be hard to share, because people knowing when I falter will feel to me like I am a failure.  But on the same token sharing my accomplishments will make me feel like I am doing something worth while and motivate me to keep going.  Knowing people are going to read this will help me to push myself because I won't want to get on here and tell you I ate a cheeseburger and fries today.  I will want to get on here and tell you I went to spin class and then ran 2 miles.  So here I go on my weight loss journey.  Wish me luck!

****UPDATE:  Since writing this blog, I have in fact lost 4 lbs.  But so far, no more.****


*I will get a "BEFORE" picture up as soon as I can*